Moving On
by L. Jo
Summary: Gwen finally gets a backbone. rated for a little bit of bad language.


Moving On  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Passions, thank God. If i did, i might have to shoot myself.  
  
Summary: Basically, Gwen finally gets a spinal cord (all this weepy Ethan really makes me mad.  
  
Rating: PG-13... just for the language.  
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I look at Ethan in disbelief. Once again, he was talking about how little he did to   
save Theresa. And once again, I wonder why i'm even trying.   
"Ethan," I say, unable to sop the words from tumbling out. "Shut up."  
It was his turn to look at me in disbelief. "Excuse me?"  
"Look, Ethan, I know you loved Theresa. but you did everything you possibly could, and  
i'm sick of hearing that you didn't. Hell, Ethan, even you know you did all you could. And I'm  
sick of being the one to reassure you." It was interesting. I never thought I would think of   
Ethan as irritating. It had always been about him, and his feelings. Never mine.  
"Gwen, thats not why I'm talking to you. I love you, I really do--"  
"Oh, thats bullshit and you know it."  
"What?!"  
"Right after we had supposedly "gotten back together", you went running to help Theresa.  
Do you think that didn't kill me? But I tried to understand, and I helped you through it. I  
was by your side the whole damn time. And I'm sick of it. I'm done, Ethan." I god up to leave,  
steeling myself against the injured puppy look that was always my undoing.  
"Gwen, don't leave me I need you, I--"  
"You never needed me, Ethan. I know what needing someone feels like, and you sure as   
hell NEVER needed me." It was true. When he left me for Theresa, I needed him, and he wasn't  
there. He was NEVER fucking there. But I was always at his side, holding his hand, telling  
him everything was going to be ok.   
"How can you say that to me? I thought you loved me."  
God, was he whining? "Ethan, I do love you. I always have. I'm just SICK of dealing  
with you. I always comfort you when you need it. I'M always there for you. But are you ever  
there for me? I just give and give and give, and I don't get anything in return. And I'm  
done. You don't deserve me." I walked to the door of the cottage, and I felt him grab my arm.  
I turned. "What?"  
He reached up, and stroked my cheek with his hand. I looked up into his blue eyes, and  
suddenly I realized I wasn't turning into putty. I wasn't ready to bend to whatever he wanted   
me to do. Those eyes used to be able to make me do anything, but now I didn't even care. He   
bent to kiss me. I knew it was coming, and I accepted it, more as an experiment than actually  
wanting to kiss him. I felt nothing. No fireworks. No flames. Not even a spark. It was just--  
nothing. I placed my hand on his chest and pushed him away. He looked completely shocked.  
Not that I could blame him, comsidering I usually would be willing to do anything he wanted  
after he kissed me.  
"Gwen, what's wrong?"  
"What's wrong?! Ethan, you ARE a dumbass, aren't you? You can't just kiss me and make  
it all better. I've done everything I possibly could for you. And all you can EVER talk about  
is Theresa. Who, by the way IS dead, in case you hadn't noticed. It's time to move on, Ethan.  
For both of us."  
"That's just it, Gwen, I need you to help me to move on."  
"Ethan, you don't need ME. All you need is a woman who will hold your hand and reassure  
you that you did the right thing. I'm sick of being that woman. I am ready to find someone  
who appreciates me."  
"I appreciate you!" I had never seen Ethan so confused and angry. And I was glad that  
he was finally feeling just a little bit of what I once had felt.   
"Maybe you did once. Just like you loved me once. But the fact is that the moment you  
fell for Theresa, I was just the back-up girlfriend, lover, whatever. When you broke up with  
her, you came running to me. Not because you loved me. I see that now. I can't believe I didn't  
see it then." I shook my head. I had been hopelessly naive, idotically loving someone who would  
never love me back. I continued. "So I hugged you and coddled you, but right when Theresa got  
into trouble, you were there to save her. To comfort HER. And I, I got left in the cold. AGAIN.  
Ethan, you're lucky I stayed around this long."  
He was hurt badly, I could see that. But instead of feeling badly, I was happy. I was happy  
that I was finally getting through to him. I wrenched my arm from his grasp, and walked to the door.  
the door. I was preparing to turn the doorknob, when I turned around, determined to deliver one  
final blow. "Ethan, I do love you. I always will. People can't have the kind of history we  
do and not care about eachother."  
"See, I knew you would come to your senses, Gwen," he said, rushing forward to give  
me a hug.   
"No, Ethan. I'm still leaving. And I'm not coming back."  
"Where are you going to find someone who loves you like I do?"  
I laughed. "That's just it. I don't want someone to love me like you do. I don't want  
whatever your twisted version of love is. I want someone who deserves ME. Who cares about ME.  
Crazy as that may sound.  
"I don't believe you're doing this."  
I sighed. "Believe it, Ethan. I'm done with you. With us. Forever. I won't be your  
personal doormat anymore. I refuse."  
"Gwen, I love you, I do." He was on his knees, begging. I had half a mind to kneel  
down next to him and beg for forgiveness. But for what? So he could use me again?  
"I don't know what I EVER saw in you. Fuck you, Ethan Winthrop."   
It wasn't until I left Ethan that I started crying. I don't know how I managed to make  
it through all that without my voice even cracking. I walked blindly, and ended up in the park.  
Finding a small bench, I sat, and just sobbed. I heard a deep male voice offer me a tissue, and  
as I looked into the deep blue eyes of Hank Bennett, I realized life without Ethan could definately  
get better. 


End file.
